I've decided the first thing to change is my social isolation. I have friends; one or two are very close emotionally but not geographically. My daughter is now just old enough to be left for an hour or two without burning the house or herself down (I wonder if she pokes about in all the cupboards and drawers like I used to) and so I have decided one evening a month to go to a local writers group. I'm a bit anxious about it. Will my writing be good enough? Will I like or connect with the people there? I have to do something as the isolation I feel is crippling. I wander about in the city I live in, everyone seems to be holding someone else's hand or sitting at restaurant tables in pairs. I tried a dating website or two but just didn't like it. I don't like the idea of dating more than one person at a time. It felt like plate spinning. There must be a way, even in middle age to meet people without flicking through out of date photo's of other desperate souls. It reminded me of those little booklets that used to appear at school in the 70's with pictures of little orphan children in them and you had to choose which one to give a couple of shillings to. As for Tinder, swipe wrong more like and after the shocking experience of not being able to 'get it up' the thought of casual sex, once such an easy and simple thing to look forward to has become tinged with fear of a repetition!
I'm hoping to meet someone I like on all levels and who likes me, get to know them reasonably slowly but both know where it is heading and then when it feels good 'seal the deal'. I'm also hoping to meet friends, I want friends across the generations, I don't want to be surrounded only by my own peer group. For my existing friends I need to offer more, I've been selfish of late or certainly not giving enough nor making enough time for my friends.
My social life today will consist of trudging off to the local supermarket (by foot as my car has broken down) with my children and saying hello to the person who scans the fish fingers and coffee. Then, after supper it will be gazing into the fire feeling hard done by until sleepy then off to bed only to feel wide awake, finally get off about midnight, up again at 3am with a racing heart, nod off again by 4am and up at 6am for another round. Just not good enough is it? For those of us unhappy or not fulfilled that also experience loneliness I think it is the loneliness that needs addressing first. So if you're lonely join me and share what that means and great ways to deal with it and change it. We're not meant to be lonely and it won't (for me at least) be cured by facebook or anything like that it will have to involve meeting real people and inviting them into my life.
